clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
