as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
