Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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