you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
