he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
