They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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