Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
try to milk me bitch
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
