Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
