Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
