i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
