dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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