How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
bring money and cleavage
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
