i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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