I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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