I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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