nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
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