We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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