After last night, I could never be a politician.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
