2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
