sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
