i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
