me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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