Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
