we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
lets start a swedish sibling band together
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
