Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
