You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
