you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
