Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
