SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
