Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
my sisters under your porch take her home
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
