i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
