I understand Curling. That high.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
