I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Is it penis luge time yet?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
