I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
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