I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
