No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
