I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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