I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
my shit smells like andre
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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