Nicole vs. Life
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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