the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
