Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
