Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
