Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
