Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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