this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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