I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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