my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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