You were right. It hurts to walk today.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
