she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
