I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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